bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize