The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
