i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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