Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
