Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
