so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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