i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
