I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
