Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize