some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
