I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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