I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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