She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
