I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
