If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
