sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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