I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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