At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
