She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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