Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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