What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
