I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
