so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
