she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
