I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
