Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
this boner is exhausting
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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