what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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