Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
