Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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