I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
