His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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