It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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