I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
