I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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