he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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