me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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