Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize