May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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