Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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