Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
