i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
