i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
