I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
