she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
