Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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