I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize