sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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