I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
