Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
