UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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