i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
