I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
