you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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