Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
