i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
