thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
