So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
only you would photoshop your dick
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
