So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ttyl tear gas
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
