I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
