please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
