Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
