I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think your dad took our porno
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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