what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
