Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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