IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
