i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
