I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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