I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
