I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
