I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
