Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
