Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
