Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just had sex on a roof
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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