i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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