The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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