So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
