Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize