I just gift wrapped bread.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
