Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
